Laying awake at night, my breathing settled and my eyes wide open, I stare into nothing

A darkened room and the ambient outdoors..

Through the open window, a cool breeze flows in

My thoughts fill the room

The persistent struggle of “why”

The constant questioning of myself by myself

I am acutely aware of a vibration

My phone, off to the side, comes to life – illuminates the room with its light

And, again, I fall into the cycle

Mere moments alone with my thoughts and I can’t run fast enough

I dive headfirst and indulge in mindless drivel on social media apps

My worst enemies are my thoughts

My best friend is my phone

Frantically, my fingers rapidly move across the screen

Is this who I have become?

Once a little girl filled with dreams..

Cheeky laughter as I ran with friends on hot summer days

Fulfillment and sheer happiness as I tossed and tumbled with my older brothers

Complete and utter joy as I played and gossiped with my little sister

My eyes tear up at the distant memories of a childhood long forgotten

Only to come rushing at me in moments of discontent

I miss that little girl. I miss her smile.

I miss who she was before life took a hold of her

I detest the young woman she has become

So terrified of her peers, scared to speak, scared to listen… absorb..

I am standing in the middle of an empty highway

There is no clear path

I clutch my fists to my side and close my eyes, breathe in the cool air

A thought drips into my mind like a leaky faucet

How easy would it be to end it all right now?

I shudder at this thought

Borne out of desperation to feel a semblance of the peace I once felt

My mind is in a constant turmoil

The highway is the path my life can take and it is up for grabs

Suddenly my phone vibrates

Again the cycle begins

Further down the dark hole I fall

With no end in sight