She thought of death constantly.

It invaded and overwhelmed every moment of her waking life

She wondered what it would feel like

Would she feel anything at all?

Would she feel her very existence wiped away as quickly as it was formed?

Or would she wither away like smoke on an arid winter night?

Would she be deigned to damnation?

Or take her place alongside the most high

In a heaven she was told existed

She desperately wanted to believe it

Yet her doubts persisted

 

Her faith was fragile

Her mind was troubled

Nausea made itself at home

Fear refused to leave her alone

So she welcomed it

Forced herself to revel in it

All of it

Death became a daily obsession

The antidote to any possible regression

It fed into the motivation

The persuasion and desperation

To keep it moving, to stay alive and

to keep soaring, to stay thriving

To stay awake, eyes wide open

A blind sheep for years right up to this moment

 

Now she couldn’t sleep even if she wanted to

She was too enamored with seeking the truth

So she willingly exposed herself and her flaws

In a last ditch attempt to find GOD

To ask him why death was allowed to occur

After a lifetime condensed into smattered memories after birth

God would stay silent as he always does

But she knew of how powerful he was

So she left everything up to him

And suddenly…  she was at peace within