I revel in peace and calm

The absolute stillness of life

The ambience of a city at rest

This is when I thrive

 

Early morning I wake

Dreams already a distant memory

I put on my armor for the day

I mask my acute misery

 

There’s a smell hanging in the air

Breakfast. Toast and eggs.

I run my weary hands through sweat soaked hair

And stand unsteadily on rubbery legs

 

Mornings haven’t felt this normal in quite some time

Feels like I’ve woken from a year-long sleep

Tossing and turning amid turbulent nights

So much for counting sheep

 

But at least I am alive

The pulsating beat of my heart

Keeps me going in times of strife

Until I find my better parts

I think we can all agree on something here — Breaking Bad was one hell of a show. A hell of a show with so many strong, well-written characters, it’s easy for some characters to slip through the cracks. You had the main characters like Walter, Skyler, Walter Jr., Jesse, Hank, Marie,  and Mike. You had characters that would show up for a season or two to wreak havoc — characters like Gus, Tuco, Lydia, Todd. Then you had a character like Saul Goodman. Saul Goodman was a morally bankrupt, sleazy lawyer in Breaking Bad. He was Walter and Jesse’s lawyer. He hid their money, hid their secrets, and was an all around weasel. That’s pretty much all I knew him as and that was what I was used to — which is why watching Better Call Saul is such an experience for me. In my honest opinion, Better Call Saul is even better than the show it was spun off from, Breaking Bad. Not to say that Breaking Bad wasn’t a prime example of exceptional storytelling and even better cinematography with powerhouse performances from Bryan Cranston, Anna Gunn, and Aaron Paul. I very much enjoyed watching Breaking Bad although it took quite a while to really hook me in. I found myself getting bored after the first 4 episodes of season 1 and I was disheartened because I was used to hearing so much hype about Breaking Bad that I expected to like it right off the bat. I’ll be honest, the show didn’t really grow on me until season 2.

This was not the case for Better Call Saul. After begrudgingly agreeing to watch it on a whim, I was hooked after the first episode. Who knew Saul Goodman (aka James ‘Jimmy’ McGill) was such a genuinely interesting character behind those flashy suits he used to wear on Breaking Bad? What’s more enticing to me is we get to see Saul’s slow but steady transformation from ‘Jimmy McGill’ to the sleazy lawyer we meet in Breaking Bad. Better Call Saul takes place about 6 years before Breaking Bad. When we first meet McGill, he is a struggling lawyer who defends small time criminals in small time courts for $700 a case, he has a claustrophobic, small office in the back of a nail salon, is caring for an older brother who is suffering from an acute mental illness, and is generally a pretty good lawyer. Like, he’s actually not bad. He knows his stuff. Sure, he has a criminal past. Once known as ‘slippin’ Jimmy,’ he’s a thief, a crook, a scam artist, he can’t help it. It’s in his DNA, it seems. He was once the one behind bars and his brother, also a lawyer, had to go visit him and bail him out although the reason he was behind bars is both complicated and kind of hilarious, at least to me.

In Breaking Bad, Saul had deep connections with the criminal underground and was very apt at helping Walter and Jesse escape imprisonment and death on more than a few occasions. He proved very capable in helping them successfully launder millions of dollars and using illegal and dirty schemes to get them out of sticky situations. We see flashes of this character in Jimmy McGill — a character who isn’t a violent person at heart and would rather not kill or hurt anyone but is a skeevy little shit. Yet, regardless of how slimy he seems, as I watch the show, I find myself rooting for him. I want him to succeed, I don’t want him to become Saul Goodman with the tacky late night commercials and double dealings with major drug dealers and criminals.

Vince Gilligan, the showrunner and creator of both Breaking Bad and Better Call Saul, creates an interesting and well rounded character that is the sole driving force behind a truly excellent show. I’m only on season 1 so far but I felt compelled to write this. I felt compelled to express my feelings about this show before I even finished it because I think it’s that damn good. I look forward to what else Vince Gilligan has in store for Saul Goodman/Jimmy McGill and I’m happy to say, much like I was HERE for the greatness that was Breaking Bad, I am HERE for Better Call Saul.

Laying awake at night, my breathing settled and my eyes wide open, I stare into nothing

A darkened room and the ambient outdoors..

Through the open window, a cool breeze flows in

My thoughts fill the room

The persistent struggle of “why”

The constant questioning of myself by myself

I am acutely aware of a vibration

My phone, off to the side, comes to life – illuminates the room with its light

And, again, I fall into the cycle

Mere moments alone with my thoughts and I can’t run fast enough

I dive headfirst and indulge in mindless drivel on social media apps

My worst enemies are my thoughts

My best friend is my phone

Frantically, my fingers rapidly move across the screen

Is this who I have become?

Once a little girl filled with dreams..

Cheeky laughter as I ran with friends on hot summer days

Fulfillment and sheer happiness as I tossed and tumbled with my older brothers

Complete and utter joy as I played and gossiped with my little sister

My eyes tear up at the distant memories of a childhood long forgotten

Only to come rushing at me in moments of discontent

I miss that little girl. I miss her smile.

I miss who she was before life took a hold of her

I detest the young woman she has become

So terrified of her peers, scared to speak, scared to listen… absorb..

I am standing in the middle of an empty highway

There is no clear path

I clutch my fists to my side and close my eyes, breathe in the cool air

A thought drips into my mind like a leaky faucet

How easy would it be to end it all right now?

I shudder at this thought

Borne out of desperation to feel a semblance of the peace I once felt

My mind is in a constant turmoil

The highway is the path my life can take and it is up for grabs

Suddenly my phone vibrates

Again the cycle begins

Further down the dark hole I fall

With no end in sight

By now you’ve probably heard the news; the Oscars are So White. With the announcement of the 2016 Oscar nominees came perhaps the most controversial hashtag in Twitter history (after #BlackLivesMatter)  – #OscarsSoWhite. As expected, the hashtag sparked lively conversation and debate across social media and is still going on to this day – even though the hashtag was created a year ago by April Reign (@ReignofApril) after the announcement of the 2015 Oscar nominees. This year, after The Academy chose to nominate all white actors/actresses in all available acting categories, especially after a year filled with worthy performances from non-white actors/actresses, it is no surprise that it did. To an outsider looking at those nominations, you would think that only white actors exist in Hollywood. All one has to do is look at the choices and then you start to wonder, were these choices actually deliberate? Do I live in a world where Benicio Del Toro’s performance in Sicario didn’t get a nomination but Bryan Cranston’s performance in Trumbo did? And this isn’t to knock Bryan Cranston’s acting chops or anything. I think he is a fine actor as he proved time and time again in Breaking Bad. But do I think his performance in Trumbo is better than Del Toro’s chilling performance in Sicario? No. No, I don’t. Just like I do not think Mark Ruffalo’s performance in Spotlight is better than Idris Elba’s performance in Beasts of No Nation. But these are just my opinions and I’m not a member of The Academy unfortunately. Neither is April Reign.

In response to the #OscarsSoWhite hashtag & subsequent movement, many prominent black actors and filmmakers such as Will Smith, Jada Pinkett-Smith and Spike Lee called for a boycott of the Oscars, indirectly implying that The Academy was racist or at least prejudiced to an extent. Other black actors felt that boycotting the Oscars would be career suicide and they refused to comment. Others, specifically Whoopi Goldberg, refuted the implication that The Academy was racist or prejudiced by noting her two nominations and one win as an example of how un-racist they were. After these filmmakers voiced their opinions on the matter, it was suddenly THE question of the season. Why were the Oscars so white for the second year in a row even though there were many worthy performances from POC? Diversity; How do we solve Hollywood’s lack of it? Suddenly, every celebrity on every red carpet and on every press tour was being asked what they thought of diversity in Hollywood and what came next is what I like to call “deviating from the issue at hand.”

The #OscarsSoWhite hashtag has gone through a metamorphosis of sorts. It started out as a semi-serious tag mostly filled with jokes. April Reign began the hashtag with a joke of her own – “#OscarsSoWhite it asked to touch my hair” touching on the kind of racially charged micro-aggression black women face on almost a daily basis. Then the jokes turned into political statements and hard-to-swallow truths. The conversation soon quickly changed from how white the Oscars were to how white Hollywood was in general. The topic of diversity begs the questions; How are non-white actors/actresses supposed to earn acting nominations if the chances aren’t given to them? How are they supposed to prove themselves if the kind of roles given to them are rarely the kind of roles The Academy considers?

If you ask these questions publicly, you will get bombarded with all kinds of examples of how many non-white actors and actresses have been nominated over the years. But that is not the issue here. Nobody is claiming that non-white actors and actresses have never been nominated for or even won an Oscar. The issue here is that they don’t have nearly the same chances to get nominated as their white counterparts do. Sometimes, even when non-white actors are the star of the movie and even have the movie named after their character, the white actor still gets the nomination (see: Creed). In my opinion, though the diversity conversation grew from the #OscarsSoWhite movement, though race is a major component in this discussion, diversity is about more than just race. It is about more than white vs. black even though racially charged discussions on Twitter have made it so. I ask; why are there so few visible non-white actors and actresses? Why are there so few visible non-white directors? I also ask; Why are there so few female directors? Why are there so few trans actors/actresses? Where are the female writers/directors/cinematographers? Where are the disabled? Where are the gay, lesbian, bisexual, asexual, or polysexual actors/actresses? Why is it that the minute you come out as anything other than straight, your acting career is suddenly in jeopardy? As though you will suddenly lose the ability to act because of who you share your bed with. The visibility for these aforementioned groups of people is almost nonexistent even though they very well exist.

Opportunities in Hollywood should be left open to everyone. I have always maintained that the reason why we’re seeing so many reboots and adaptations of things such as Hasbro toys or cell phone gaming apps (see: the Angry Birds movie) is because the straight, white men who run the industry are obviously running out of ideas but they’re too scared to let anyone else have a shot. Diversity is not just the newest trend of 2016. This is NOT the Ice Bucket Challenge 2.0. It is not a topic of discussion you ask actors hoping to get some outrageous sound bite quoted entirely out of context so you can splatter it all over your magazines and online blogs for hits and tons of traffic. More and more it seems like diversity is used merely as a baiting tactic to get clueless actors to put their foot in their mouths so we can all barrage them with insults online. I agree that actors who claim that the diversity talk is “racist to white people” or that non-white actors should wait their turn deserve our ire because those kinds of statements are ignorant. But rather than simply highlighting the ignorance in old white actors and filmmakers, the topic of diversity should be less talk, more action. Instead of simply talking about Hollywood’s lack of diversity, let us do something about it!

 

I believe that there are many talented non-white, non-straight and non-male actresses, directors, producers, cinematographers, and screenwriters out there and they are not benefiting from simply talking about how much Hollywood’s lack of diversity sucks. Before the Oscars stop being so white and so male, change has to come from within the industry. It is not a question of whether or not there is promising talent just waiting to be discovered, the industry has to be willing to discover them. Those in power in the industry have to be willing to listen to different stories that are just begging to be told. Television shows are already leading the charge in including more diversity in their casts. Scandal, How To Get Away With Murder, Quantico, Black-ish, Fresh Off The Boat, Orange Is The New Black — these are just a few examples of different shows on tv exhibiting wildly diverse cast members. There was a time when TV actors were looked down on and moving from films to TV was viewed as a career demotion, but now we are witnessing an exodus of film actors crossing over to television willingly simply because TV is more diverse and more liberal in the kind of stories that can be told. In an era where the television industry is becoming more and more proactive, perhaps the film industry should follow the leader.

I began watching Orphan Black entirely by accident. I had originally set out to watch the movie ‘Orphan’ about that strange little girl who was actually, like, 40 years old and tricked an entire family. Anyway, I was on Amazon utilizing my Prime membership and I searched up ‘Orphan’ and the first result that came up was Orphan Black. A distant memory flashed through my mind; I was on Twitter in summer 2014 and everyone was absolutely livid that Tatiana Maslany hadn’t received an Emmy nomination. I remember wondering what the big deal was. Tons of talented actresses miss out on a nomination every year, what’s so special about her? It was then that I noticed that the entire first season of Orphan Black was completely free with a Prime membership. Wondering what the big deal was, I decided to put my ‘Orphan’ viewing on hold and I pressed play on Season 1, Episode 1 of Orphan Black. The rest, as they say, is history. Within the first 5 minutes of the episode, I understood the uproar.

Sarah Manning is an orphan, a little rough around the edges with an English accent, dark eyeliner, and dark brown hair with blonde highlights. When we first meet her, she’s dressed down in a leather jacket, black short shorts with ripped leggings and boots. She is a drifter, doesn’t like to stay in one place for too long. The episode opens with her on a train coming back into town (in Canada, presumably) after being gone over a year so that she can reconnect with her young daughter and foster brother. While on the train platform trying to call her foster mother Mrs. S., who currently has custody of her daughter Kira, she witnesses a young woman on the other side of the platform quietly sobbing as she takes off article after article of clothing. Sarah watches, enthralled, as the woman calmly takes off her shoes, then her jacket. As Sarah hangs up the phone and begins walking towards this woman, perhaps out of curiosity or sheer will, the woman turns around to face her with tears in her eyes. Here’s the shocker: the young woman looks exactly like her. This young woman is Beth Childs and she is, as we’ll later find out, a homicide detective. Sarah’s face says everything without her uttering a single word – and this is the strength in Maslany’s acting. Her mouth hangs slightly open, her eyes staring directly into… her own eyes. She is both shocked and confused. But the other woman doesn’t look at all surprised. As a matter of fact, she stares right past Sarah as though she doesn’t exist – then turns and walks right in front of an oncoming train, killing herself instantly. Sarah is absolutely mortified and I am instantly hooked.

In my opinion, that was one of the best opening scenes to any series I’ve ever watched. The show does a fantastic job of putting you right in the first person perspective. Immediately, you are as confused as Sarah is. You’re thrown into this situation with her and you’re thinking what she’s thinking – was that her twin? What just happened? Before the end of the second episode, you find out what is really going on and what the entire show is about. Sarah is a clone and what she just witnessed will change her life forever. After a fateful decision to impersonate Beth in an effort to steal all her money and skip town, Sarah stumbles into a massive conspiracy involving science, the military, and a ton of hidden secrets. As the story unfolds over the next three seasons, we meet more of the clones, Sarah’s “sisters.” An American PhD student named Cosima Niehaus, a suburban housewife/soccer mom named Allison Hendrix, a misunderstood Ukrainian clone named Helena, a German clone named Katja Obinger, and the aforementioned homicide detective named Beth Childs  These are just the first 5 clones we meet, excluding Sarah. We meet at least 3 more down the line, including a transgendered clone named Tony and a “super clone” named Rachel. All of them are completely different and all of them are played brilliantly by Maslany. Though the show contains talented co-stars and a very interesting and compelling storyline, she is the main reason why I’ve continued watching and why I will continue to watch until the very last episode airs.

Tatiana Maslany doesn’t look like any actress in Hollywood – and I mean this as a compliment. Her face is interesting; she’s beautiful, absolutely captivating, with eyes that say everything even when she’s completely silent. She switches from clone to clone with such ease, I sometimes forget that it’s the same actress. A scene in Orphan Black that both impressed and amazed me was a clone dance party at the end of season 2 in which Sarah, Allison, Helena, and Cosima have a jovial dance-off. This scene felt like a lighthearted send off after what had been such an emotionally wrought season. Four clones all dancing together, engaging in different dancing styles akin to their different personalities. One actress.

Immediately after watching the pilot episode, I ran to Maslany’s IMDB page to see what her filmography consisted of and how else I can see more of her. She has been nominated for an Emmy (finally), a SAG award, and a Golden Globe but she hasn’t won either yet. She has won two Critics Choice Awards for Best Actress in a Drama Series and a litany of other awards for her performances. Despite all her critical praise, despite having a rack of nominations under her belt, I was surprised to see that she had mostly done short lived TV shows, little known indies and a 2-episode guest stint on Parks & Recreation (one of my favorite shows). I had actually seen her episodes of Parks & Recreation in which she plays Tom Haverford (Aziz Ansari)’s love interest and I felt like punching myself in the face for not remembering her. As I viewed her IMDB page, I was frustrated that she wasn’t being offered more lucrative, mainstream roles like her peers. How is anyone supposed to know about this brilliant actress if no one is willing to cast her in something mainstream? The world needs to be exposed to this talent, not just the cult following that Orphan Black has known as the clone club.

 

What I want for Tatiana Maslany is continued success after Orphan Black airs its last episode. I want her to be in the ranks of Hollywood’s top greatest actresses. I want her to get a star on the Walk of Fame in a couple of decades (if that’s still even a thing by then). I want her to win all the awards. I want her to win 10,000 Oscars. I just want her to be recognized. Is that too much to ask? I’m sure Tatiana, as humble as she seems, will be just fine if she can continue to work consistently. I’ll be honest; even if she continues to act in small indies for the rest of her career, I will still support her because I think she is an extremely talented woman. But I do believe that she deserves to be in the position someone like Jennifer Lawrence or Kristen Stewart currently holds where she will be able to pick and choose whatever roles she wants to play.

She has a couple of indie movies coming out soon; one with Dane DeHaan called TWO LOVERS AND A BEAR and another with Tom Cullen (her long time boyfriend) called THE OTHER HALF. Another one of her upcoming movies is a movie called STRONGER in which she will co-star with Jake Gyllenhaal. The movie is to be distributed by Lionsgate, a major studio. It sounds very promising. I just hope it is a sign of things to come for Tatiana Maslany. Onwards and upwards.

Season 4 of Orphan Black airs April 14^th, 2016. Check out the awesome trailer below:

Her newest movie, THE OTHER HALF with Tom Cullen, premieres at the SXSW film festival on March 12, 2016.

Visit the official site here: http://theotherhalfmovie.com/
And the official Twitter: @otherhalfmovie

View the first clip here: